Two weeks later, I'm back to work, trying to go back to a normal life. But I can't help thinking "none of this is normal without my dad". I find I'm afraid to forget him, to forget what he was like especially before he got sick. So, when I shared about my dad at his viewing, I had made a list of some things I wanted to remember. Here's what I said at the viewing:
First and foremost, I want to thank you all for coming tonight. I can't tell you just how much we, as a family, appreciate your show of love and support at this time.
Yesterday night, as I sat down to think of what to say tonight, I was at a loss for words. Not because I didn't have anything to say (in fact I probably have too much to say) but because I couldn't fathom how to sufficiently describe and summarize someone's life in only so many minutes.
I always thought of my dad as a simple man. But I realize that I can never truly bring justice to his memory by only telling you what I think he was like. But nonetheless, I'm going to honour him tonight by telling you what I do remember of him.
His favourite colour was maroon.
He liked to dance.
He liked music; And he especially loved Elvis.
He liked red wine.
He loved food and he loved to cook
He especially loved to feed people. Even when he was sick, he would always try to get us to eat even before himself.
He was a big softie; he liked to watch cheesy filipino soap operas and to listen to sappy love songs
He had handwriting like calligraphy
He taught me how to play solitaire. And i remember teaching him to play solitaire on the computer and on an iPad
He introduced me to origami by teaching me to fold an inflatable paper ball
He liked to annoy the cats (which annoyed me)
He liked cars and loved to drive. I remember how upset he was when we told him that he couldn't drive anymore because of the medication he was taking.
He paid for my gas with the money he got from can and bottle returns
He used to catch dragonflies and butterflies for me.
He used to peel shrimp and crab for me so I wouldn't have to.
He was so proud to become a Canadian citizen and even prouder to get the opportunity vote.
He read me The Princess and the Pea when I was little.
In grade school, whenever I needed something memorized - the multiplication table, a poem, a song - he would be the one to help me.
When he tucked me in at night, he used to tuck the covers underneath me so cold air wouldn't get in.
I remember when I was 3 or 4 and there was a big earthquake in the Philippines. I was in the bedroom when it began. And I remember seeing my dad run from the kitchen and down the hall towards me. I remember him holding me while we hid underneath the table while the ground shook.
He loved his family. Not just us but his brothers and sisters, his parents back in the Philippines. Even in the end he worried about us, about his dad, our grandpa. We reassured him that we'd be fine and that we'd take care of his dad.
He loved his cellphone, i think not because it was a fancy piece of technology for him, but because it connected him to other people through text message, email, and phone.
He was always concerned about others, putting them before himself. When I was in grade school, I had an assignment where we had to interview our parents. The one thing I remember from this assignment was my dad saying that he showed his love through actions. Dad was never terribly articulate about his feelings but you could always tell that he cared by how he acted. Like how he always tried to make sure we never went hungry by always asking if we've eaten and then proceeding to telling us what food we have in the house even if we already said that we ate. Even when he himself packed my lunch, he would always try to give me money "just in case" before I left the house. I often thought that some of these actions were annoying but I know that he just cared so much about us.
It's things like these I choose to remember of him. He wasn't a perfect person but who is? They say you can't choose your family but I couldn't have asked God for a better father and I am so blessed to have had him in my life.
Even knowing that it was coming, losing him has left a hole I don't even know how to begin to fill. But I take great comfort in the fact that he passed peacefully and painlessly in the presence of the people he loved the most and that he is now in a place with no sadness and suffering.
I love you, Dad. We'll miss you so much. With heavy hearts we say goodbye for now but know that your memory will live on forever in our hearts.
-----------------------
Even more memories not to be forgotten:
